Throughout my posts in this blog it is fairly obvious that I am an observant Jew. I am Shomer Shabbat, I eat only kosher food and I try to live my life in accordance with the laws and customs of traditional Judaism. What I have never really talked about my personal Jewish commitment and why I do what I do. As I begin to write this post, I cannot say that that is what I will write, but an article in the New York Times from about a week ago caught my eye and I wanted to comment on it and on my own choices.

The article is entitled “Among Orthodox Jews, More Openness on Sexuality“. I never liked the way newspapers and magazine title their articles. But I understand that they need to sell their product and titles help that (and that is a total different topic). I recommend reading the entire article as it is very interesting, but I will summarize. In the right wing Orthodox Jewish world, there is little talk about sexuality and when young adults are getting married, they really have no idea what to do. Some in the Orthodox world are working to solve this problem and I hope they are successful.

I bring up this article to highlight a reason why I am not an Orthodox Jew. I consider myself a Conservative Jew. To try to explain the differences between Orthodoxy and Conservatism can (and does) take books, so I will not attempt to do that here. In many ways, from the outside, I look no different from a Modern Orthodox Jew. I wear a kippah all the time. I eat only kosher food and I observe Shabbat. The difference is in my beliefs. For example, while I believe in the divinity of the Torah, I see it as a document that records man’s understanding of divine revelation. That is to say that God reveled himself at Sinai to the Israelites and the Torah is their understanding of what they experienced.

Everything else is commentary. I am not saying that the laws that came later have no authority, but I do believe that they are not written in stone and although the earlier interpretations need to be given much weight, I do believe that everything is still open for discussion. A friend of mine, Rabbi Geoff Haber used to explain the difference between Orthodoxy and Conservatism with this simple analogy. It may be a bit too simple, but it works.

Imagine Jewish law as a chess game. Each piece has a specific role in the game. Pawns can only move one square, bishops on the diagonal, etc. Before moves are made, the players will look at every move and what the other player might do based on their move, and they will try to do this as many moves out as they can. Finally, after careful examination, a move is made. In Jewish law this was the way it was for many years. Rabbis would examine everything and after that careful examination, they would make a ruling. But what happened is that by the middle of the last century, when Jews gained a level of freedom they never had before, the Rabbis countered by placing a clear case over the chess game. The game could still be studied, but the moves could no longer be made. Conservative Judaism still proceeds with the game open.

As I said that is simplistic, but it does work. If the Rabbis had chosen to allow certain things, they could have, but they chose not to. I prefer to be involved with Judaism that is still willing to interpret laws based on the changes in society around us, not a Judaism that reacts to the world by closing themselves off from the world.

Getting back to the article, I want to focus on the part where the teacher told her class (women who were about to be married) that sex was horrible and painful. This is an example of an even further reaction by Orthodox today where they are not only closing themselves off, but they are making things even more difficult. The fear is that if people were to think that sex was a beautiful and enjoyable experience, then people might start trying to experience it outside of marriage. Better people should think sex is horrible then the community have to deal with teaching young people sex education.

These stringencies are appearing in every aspect of Jewish life, from kosher laws to sabbath laws. This is why I choose to be involved with Conservatism. Do I agree with everything in the Conservative movement? No, of course not. But I do believe it is the most authentic way to be Jewish. All I can do is try my hardest to live my life the way I think God wants me to. I hope I am doing my best.

I want to end with a joke (this post was a bit serious) and a youtube video.

A man comes to his Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, is it ok for my wife and me to try different positions when we have sex?” The Rabbi says “of course.” “So it’s ok if she is on top” he asks. “Yes” says the Rabbi. “What about if she is on her knees and I am behind her like a dog?” “Whatever you do in the bedroom is fine” answers the Rabbi again. “Rabbi, what about having sex standing up?” “NO” says the Rabbi sternly. “Absolutely not!” “It might lead to mixed dancing!”

In the same vein, here is a wonderful number from “Fiddler on the Roof”. This number was for whatever reason left out of the movie (and it is too bad, because it perhaps one of the funniest moments in the show!) I added this myself on youtube. Listen to the whole thing, as the “punchline” is at the very end.

It’s that time again. One Hit Wonder Wednesday. I have a great song for today, although I am not sure if it is really a One Hit Wonder. In the US, I think for sure it is as I don’t think anyone will ever remember any other song by Katrina and the Waves except “Walking on Sunshine“. They did have a few hits outside of the US including their 1997 Eurovision song contest win.

I loved this song from the first time I heard it. It is fun, upbeat, you can sing along, you can dance to it. It’s just an all around feel good song.

Enjoy!

mkm and I have been watching the HBO mini-series “John Adams“. It is a wonderful and fascinating look at the life of our 2nd president and founding father of the United States. If I were asked what historical figure I would like to meet, I would probably say John Adams (or perhaps his wife!).

I have always loved early American history and I think the first thing that put me on to this was the movie (and later I saw the Broadway show) 1776. This is a classic piece of American musical theater and is a great example of a musical that can put together wonderful songs with a series story.

There are two songs that stick out for me in 1776 and I am going to include them both here. The first appears near the end of the play when it looks like there is little hope for the congress to declare independence. John Adams has a solo where he sings about his vision of the future of America. The second scene is earlier when they are debating the declaration itself. Jefferson had included a paragraph that would have basically abolished slavery in America. We know that this paragraph actually existed and that congress removed it from the final document. What we don’t know is how the debate went. This 2nd scene is one idea.

Enjoy!

Every once in a while you get that song in your head. You know, the one that just wont leave you no matter what you do. You try thinking about something else, or even another song, but still you can’t get it out of your head. Sometimes the best thing to do is take the “if you can’t beat them, join them” approach and just go with the song. Sing it, hum it, listen to it.

That is what has happened to me today. Sometimes you can tell why you have the song in your head and sometimes you cannot. In this case I can.

Avi has graduated from wanting to listen to The Beatles all the time to now wanting to listen to Wings instead. He understands that Paul McCartney is in both, but does not get it yet that if a Beatles song is on the live Wings Album it is still a Beatles song.

We were listening to “Wings Over America” in the car and “I’ve Just Seen a Face” came on. It is a song from the album “Help” in the UK and “Rubber Soul” in the US. It is a fun song, very fast paced and makes us remember back to the early Beatles hits. The song is simple yet sophisticated at the same time.

Here are three youtubes of this song! The first is the original recording, the second is Paul singing this live in Russia and the third is the full scene of the cover from the movie “Across the Universe“.

Enjoy!

With all the seriousness on my blog lately, I need to include some lightness.  What follows is a true story.

The Friday before the end of Passover I had parked my car like I always do near the edge of my town and then I walk to the train station to catch the train to NYC.  It was a cool morning so I wore my coat, but by the end of the day it had warmed up considerably, so on the way home, I carried my coat.  I took the train back to New Brunswick like I do all the time, and on this day I was lucky to catch a Rutgers bus that would take me near to my car.  Rutgers buses are free for anyone to use, so it was a nice ride since it was warm out.

I got off the bus and walked to my car.  As you may have guessed, I left the coat on the bus, and in the pocket of my coat were my keys.  My house and car keys were on that key chain.  Normally, I could just call my wife and she could come with the other key.  However, this being close to Shabbat she could not come and this was the only car key I had.  I had gotten the car when my grandfather passed away and only one key came with it.

So I left the car and walked home.  I decided it was pointless to think about it over the holiday.  I called the Rutgers bus dispatch and left a message about it and hoped that on Monday I would find my keys.

Monday came and my coat and keys were nowhere to be found at Rutgers.  OK, so I can get a locksmith to open my car and make keys.  The problem is that all car keys in America have transponder chips in them and you cannot just cut a key.  The keys have to be programmed to your car.  For my Ford car, if I had two keys, I could purchase a transponder blank, have it cut at a locksmith and the program it myself.  Since your car’s computer does not have a keyboard you program the key (at least in my Ford) by putting one key in and turning to position 3 (the position just before starting the engine).  Then you take it out within 5 seconds and put in key 2 and do the same thing.  When you take out the 2nd key it is in program mode.  Put in the new key and turn to position 3 within 10 seconds and it is programmed.  Sounds great, except I have no keys.

I called a locksmith and they will charge $300 for one key and $50 for a 2nd.  I call the Ford dealer and they will do it for $189 for two keys, but I have to have it towed to them.  Thank God for AAA.  So my wife calls AAA and they come within 15 minutes (a minor miracle!) with a flatbed.  They cannot use the flatbed because the car needs to be in neutral to get it on the flatbed and we cannot do that without the key!  Now mkm told AAA that we have no keys, but they don’t listen.  The only thing that can be done is to get a wheel lift tow truck (the old fashioned kind) but that has to pull right in front of the car and there is a car in front of mine.

Mkm cannot stay any longer, so she goes about her day and at 9:30 after my kids are asleep, I go over there.  Sure enough the other car is still in front of mine.  So I call the police and they look up the license and get a name.  The dispatcher said she cannot tell me the name, but she can tell me that on Friday, there was an ambulance call to the address where the car is registered.  Great, no one is around to move the car.  So she looks up the name in the white pages and find a phone number and tries to call the house.  No answer.  She gets back to me and says she will have an officer knock on the door to the house.  Of course she cannot tell me the house, but when the officer comes, I see where he goes, so now I know which house.

He knocked on the door, and later I found out that there was a high school girl at home and she told the officer that her step-dad would be back in an hour.  So I figure I would come back at 11 pm to deal with it.

I get back at 11 and the car is still there.  At about 11:15 I notice someone walking up the walk at the house in question.  I quickly get out of my car and called to the person.  It turns out to be the teenager, who never called her step dad earlier.  She had just thought he would be home.  So she said she would call and he tolder her he would leave the hospital (where his wife was at the time).

About 15 minutes later, he comes home and walks over.  He then tells me that the car battery is dead and that he is trying to give it away to charity.  I ask him if he can just let it roll forward as far as possible as we are on a slight hill.  He did that and then I called AAA.

AAA came with the wheel lift truck but unfortunately I was very close to the curb.  It took the guy quite soem time to get my wheels in the lift.  Then he asked me to open the car and release the parking break.  How many times did I tell the AAA people that I could not open the car!  Anyway, he took this plastic wedge thing and pried open my door a tiny bit at the top.  He took a long curved rod and put it through the crack and used it to push the door unlock button.  He broke into the car in less than 30 seconds!  Unreal.

Anyway, he towed it to the Ford dealer and then the next day I had two new keys for my car.

What an ordeal!

It’s once again time for Favorite Lyric Friday. Being girl group week, I needed to find a lyric that I really like from a girl group. Not too difficult if you ask me.

One of the reasons I love girl groups so much is their ability to sing so well together. Generally (anytime anyone says that, watch out!) women have better voices than men. Generally (there it is again) women can harmonize better than men. I love the harmonies that I hear from girl groups. My favorite girl group were masters of harmony. Despite their being together as a girl group for such a short time, my favorite girl group is…….. drum roll please…….Wilson Phillips.

Wilson Phillips was a group made of of three women, two daughters of Biran Wilson of the Beach Boys (Carnie and Wendy Wilson) and the third the daughter of Michelle and John Phillips of the Mama’s and the Papa’s (Chynna Phillips). They were together for two years from 1990 to 1992 and then came back together to record an album of covers in 2004. Beyond that they have gone their separate ways.

It is favorite lyric friday, so here is my pick from Wilson Phillips. On their first album, “Wilson Phillips”, their biggest hit was the song “Hold On“. I particularly like the lyrics these days as life with Avi makes things difficult, but we always have to remember to just hold on and things will get better.

Here is the original music video.

Enjoy!

Well, this week obviously turned into girl group week, so I might as well continue in that slant. There are so many to choose from , it is very hard. Most of my favorite girl groups are from the 80s and 90s, but the whole girl group concept started in the late 1950s with the group The Chantels. After their success dozens of girl groups were formed many trying to team up with established songwriters. The famous Brill Building produced many of the songs made famous by these groups.

Perhaps the first real smash girl group hit was “Will You Love me Tomorrow” by The Shirelles. The song was written by the Brill Building team of Gerry Goffin and Carol King (at the time husband and wife). The song may be more well known today by King’s recording with James Taylor and Joni Mitchell doing vocal backup , but the Shirelle’s version is still the first and perhaps greatest.

Here is a rare video of the Shirelles performing this song on American Bandstand. Clips of weddings were added to this clip but it is still ncie to watch

Enjoy!

One of the main reasons I have not written much in the past few weeks is that things with Avi have been getting worse.  mkm has an almost impossible task when she tries to get him to school in the am.  And when he gets to school he is not really doing anything.  His Hebrew teacher has basically given up and just lets him color in class.  While he does ok in english, he refuses to do any of his homework and when asked about it he goes into one of his fits.

In the past week Avi has also gotten violent a few times, and he also has moments where he cries to me saying that he does not want to live with us, he just wants to be alone, he wishes he was never born, etc.  Just writing that past sentence was so hard, so you can imagine why I have not written much.  Avi’s therapist suggested that we go back to the neurologist who has been prescribing his meds.  She strongly suggests that we seek psychiatric help for Avi.  She has also taken him off all meds as there is a chance that his current behavior is due to the meds.  We are now in the process of finding a good psychiatrist and we are hopeful that we are now walking down the right path for Avi in terms of medical help.

We had basically decided a few weeks back that we were not going to send him to the Jewish day school next year as the public school will be able to offer him and us services that the private school just cannot afford. On Monday is was so difficult to get him going in the morning that we have decided that we are taking Avi out of Schechter now, and start him in Public School.  We have a very good school system in Highland Park.  Many people connected to Rutgers live in Highland Park and as such demand a high level from the public school, and the schools deliver.  So we know that Avi will be able to get the help that he needs there.

mkm took him to the public school to enroll him.  He had a episode there and luckily (we believe) the principal of the school witnessed it all.  She called the social worker to come over (who we dealt with when Avi was in preschool a few years ago).  They decided that before Avi comes to the school we should have a meeting with the child study team to determine the best way to go when Avi starts.  We hope to have him starting there on Monday.  Even though there are only 6 weeks left of school this year, we feel that this will give the school time to evaluate Avi so that next year we may have a good IEP in place for when he starts 2nd grade.

That is where we are with Avi currently.  He is getting this week off from school as we work this all out.  God willing we are on the right road even though we know it is a very long one.

Keeping with my girl group theme, I decided to add a song that because a mega hit but unfortunately for the group, their only one. The group is the Weather Girls and the song is the amazing “dance anthem” “It’s Raining Men“. Yes I know this is a song loved by many women and by lot of gay men, but even though I am neither, it is a great dance song and a real kooky video.

Enjoy!

PS.  I am also including a newer version of the song by Geri Halliwell (of the mega mega girl group the Spice Girls).  I LOVE this video!  It is sort of a tribute to the movie and tv series Fame (which I loved) and the dance is quite good in the video.  So enjoy this too!

OK, I admit it. I have a thing for girl groups. Actually I love girl groups. And not just single female singers (although there are plenty I like) either. Give me a good girl group and I will always listen. Yesterday I picked a song from The Bangles, one of my favorites. Today I am choosing another of the 80’s girls groups, the Go-Go’s. The Go-Go’s were essentially a new wave group but they got some major play with their mega hits “Our Lips are Sealed” and “We Got the Beat.” They were a major force in new wave music and they were the first all women band to write their own music and play their own instruments while being on the top of the charts.

Enjoy!